I’ve been all over, here, and there, up, around, on, behind, and what not the past couple of years….it’s been an incredible adventure, and one that is existing and continuing each and everyday from the love and effort that we give. so many things come up in my thoughts, and my heart, things to work out, things to celebrate, things to ponder.

I’ve been thinking a lot of where I can journal these random thoughts and ideas. I have this blog sitting here, not doing a whole lot with it, and as much as I would love to fill the planet with all my daily journals, I would much rather keep that comfy place for more of my sexual and adult adventures. I have a place where I can let my guard down, I have a nest, a place where kindness, respect, compassion exist for all individuals. I’m so grateful!

so I am now going to pop in now and then when I have something I wish to journal from the day, etc.. My intentions are to share and exercise for my own benefits. I come in peace, I mean no harm, and wish to follow my whimsy…..

♥

I meant to come home last night and spend some time journaling, however I had to finish my thoughts and intentions on the best place to move forward. so after sleeping on it, and pondering, I came up with this location. After seeing the video of halcyon and galadarling, and listening to them about journaling, I knew that today was the day!

I’m not worried about punctuation and or mistakes, I’m in the flow, and am going to keep myself free

last night at the bar we got into a great discussion…..three of us were getting into discussing how much we love being a part of an artistic and creative community, and were talking about how artists can truly pull the essence out of life and share and inspire others…..especially in a time of need, a time of need for LOVE.

we were going further into conversation when a fourth person entered into the conversation by chance, and yet he never really desired to talk about what the group was discussing, more it seemed that he just wanted us to sit and listen as he more vented, changed the subject, and spoke at us without giving thought or concern for listening. the energy of the discussion went down immediately, and it was so cool how the three of us stayed together, and peacefully made it clear that we wished to continue with our discussion.

this happens a lot. I notice how others want to join a group discussion, however they don’t take the time to listen to what the group is discussing and merely uses it for their own benefit. now I am positively sure that I have done just this. and more importantly after experiencing this last night, am going to put my best effort forward to be aware.

I am going to place into my brain right now, that when people are discussing and sharing energy, I want to add to and share the common goal, not use for my own selfish platform.

I know that guy left last night unfulfilled, he kept saying that the group didn’t understand what he was trying to say, and I know, I agree we didn’t, because he had his own agenda, and because he was more venting and expressing issues from his day, there was never an opportunity for connection.

miscommunication happens all of the time, I am going to remind myself, that just because I am feeling something, or have something to say, I need to first always listen and show my respect and compassion for the discussion, and if at a point it comes up to change and take things in a different direction, I will simply wait and share, or stay out of conversation.

♥ these are great life exercises, I welcome you to be an observer today

I am really going to love journaling. I LOVE it digital!

have the best day ever!

I think we can all agree that we find ourselves in situations where things feel fragile, hopeless, and that one more step is going to be our end. well, as much as we can agree on this, it doesn’t necessarily have to be true.

I can only speak from life situations that I am experiencing, learning how to put more effort in, more than I ever thought was conceivable, and so far, as long as I have been willing and choosing to do so, the universe has never let me down.

I am constantly pushing out of my comfort zones, and it seems the more practice I get, and the best I give at it, that constantly I am getting stronger and finding more harmony and balance with the increased levels this journey keeps requiring. let me rephrase that, demanding.

I’m keeping an open mind, a willing and loyal heart, and an appreciation for letting go of control, fear, anxiety, overwhelmingness, and challenging as hell life’s obstacles. It feels great to find myself in the midst of something so dynamic, so fragile, so fundamental, and so wild, and yet not have any real clue as to how it is all going to play out.

I have no attachments to what the future brings, I have no pain, no worries, no emotional baggage, and I have chosen this, and I follow through again and again and again.

It’s life. It’s here for those of us who want to put our best in, who are willing to rise to the demands and efforts it requires to maintain it!

All I can say from experience, writing to you currently in this place of extreme outrageous adventure, that time is so precious, and the last thing I am going to do is waste it on complaining, whining, having pitty parties, or emotional battles. Instead I am going to use every last second of effort and energy that I have, and I am going to put give it all my complete and 100%. no holding back, no waiting for options that I have no clue are going to be there or not, I am going to continue living in the moment, giving my best, and giving you all that I have and am. I believe in this journey and this ability to choose the life that you want, and I am sharing this with you now, so that perhaps if you shall find yourself in a somewhat same situation of energies, and unknowns, and obstacles, because I want to connect with those that are willing to give this life and journey every last single of effort you have too! I want to celebrate these victories with you! I seek like minded thriving individuals who are putting themselves out there and rising to the ocassion each and every single time!

I have a playground to share with you, I have a place I want to share victories with you, I have a playground where we can all frolic and life each and every single one of our lives to the maximum we can put in it!

I need you to walk the walk that you are talking……….

I need you to keep it real…….

I need you to keep it alive………..

g

it is a human condition a human element to seek community. we can create and exist in community in a multitude of ways. Many internet communities at this level have so many limitations to the evolution and growth of the mind and soul. so many constraints based on trying to appeal to all. ( where is the intent: connection or outrageous/obnoxious advertisement? the goal get’s lost when the only motivation is the mighty dollar, the amount of money does not provide the ultimate happiness, it becomes the master, and we become the slave)
Many artists use the internet because it provides them a way to develop a following, interact, and maintain a connection. the personal element that resides in all of us. yet when it comes to desiring to make a living based on one’s art, the balance of finding time to create and also to connect becomes a life long and delicate balance.
Conscious participation is lacking in the majority thus far, so many rants and ravings, the internet lasts forever, and the energy and thoughts behind everything we share I feel becomes a part of our lifetime. I think that social networks are a great way to stay in check with oneself. And if we are ever in doubt of where our growth, resistance, or energy is coming from, we can simply take a look of all things that we project. and those that we surround ourselves with.
many stay in comfort zones, they find the comfort in the same discomfort of others, it is time to evolve passed the ego, passed the comfort zones, grow, and shine the light bright. the internet and communities can be a very rewarding and beautiful addition to our lives. it’s all in the intentions put forth.

care to add anything?

spanks and kisses
@gcrush

I’ve had a lot of dialogues with myself, I’ve observed, I’ve listened, I’ve looked at a view from many different perspectives of my own.

What I love about writing is that it is all about expressions: expression about an idea, a feeling, an emotion, a connection, an adventure, a perspective of getting it done: I LOVE expression. This is my art.

I feel the best way that I communicate to another human being, alien, shapeshifter, whatever……is to express and identify with myself and how I am presently feeling, interpreting, identifying, manifesting, coping, understanding, approaching, and realizing. This is my truth, or should I say these are my truths, and I adjust them and tweak them as I gain new experience and insight. I am free to change my mind at any turn, and am always open to hear any kind of point of view that is presented. I do have limitations in this area, if I hear a repetitive cycle of conflict that never is offered the love and ability to make or create a change in frequency, I lose ability to offer an extension of my energy; I only have so much effort and energy, and yes I prefer to optimize this energy and channel it to more engaging and blissful adventures.

I give my best to my own challenges, and this is where at this current time, need to place this energy.

random rab is my musical soulmate

This is an area of transformation and accomplishment, compassion and understanding of which I am still trying to find ultimate resolution. I am vulnerable, and I am in a state of transition. My goal always is to find and acquire ultimate freedom of mind, lightness of heart, and compassionate and ultimate loving convictions. This is not a state of being that comes overnight. I have been releasing, humbling, and appreciating this particular journey for the past few years.

Each day is a new opportunity to grow, achieve, and gain deeper levels of compassion and appreciation.

BLVD rocked it down to our souls

Life is expresion: This is the ultimate energy of creativity and creation for me. I LOVE, I absorb, I observe, I share, and I appreciate. This is my ultimate expression. I choose a path of high vibrancy, address each opportunity with my best, and learn from each and every experience.

I have many tools.

My ultimate expression is through myself, my naked body, my naked soul, my LOVE, my sexuality my vulnerability, my lust, my passion, my pleasure. These are areas in which I am clear and true. This is my ultimate ART. This is what I wish to share. I am connected to my being, my self.

Words, writing, sharing, finding quotes, poems, creating haikus, creating thoughts: an additional tool of importance. Each and everyday I am opening up areas of awareness, to draw in and find the words to share this view, this life, this perspective that I am experiencing. For this is my truth, this is all that I know.

This journey deepens my connection, my experiences, and perspective, not the destination.

Music, oh music…….the pursuit with music: to seek the vibrancy of beats, rythym and tone, to seek out ultimate expression of those melodies that are deeprooted in my core. The melodies that resonnate and draw energy out of me for more expressions. . It’s all about the music. Finding the music that just pulls it out like a frenzy!!

I feel very fortunate, for even though this road is always about pulling more and more effort out of my core to always honor the right, the most karmatic, and the most pleasurable path, I feel ELATED. For this path, the universe has provided a lot of MAGIKAL BEINGS. Of which Shone, my first and ultimate, and that I get to share all of my epiphanies, my accomplishments, my understandings, and all of which rocks my world, with him, well, some people may use “lucky” to explain this state of existence, I don’t feel this is lucky, I just feel that this is the light that I continue to chase down whatever rabbit hole it wishes to go. It is always there, but it takes effort to continue following it. And that effort is everything in which I am prepared and able to provide each and every day!

These are my intentions. This is my path.

thank you, it feels great to connect my words with my expressions. It always deepens my ability to listen and to communicate with others. I appreciate you all, and want you all to know how much I love sharing this adventure with you.

and always, ask any kind of question you feel like, I know my mind wanders, and soars, and displays in many directions.

forever yours
@gcrush

p.s. I am so excited!!! Chris was able to take a picture of random rab and I!!! I will post as soon as it surfaces!!!!!!

daddy,

I will always be your little girl, I wish for you more light and comforts on your journey beyond this existence. you have my heart and intentions throughout this entire universe.

* thank you for always having so much love and faith in me, even while our views and perspectives about this life were so opposing.

* thank you for showing me the magnificence about the simple things in life

* thank you for getting down on a cold ass hunting trip with mom!!! I was conceived in the forest and it is a part of me that will always fill my days and adventures with magik and bliss.

thanks to you daddy, I learned how to

1. live the “peterbuilt” life, I was a great co-pilot in the big rigs and will continue to be a great co-pilot in shone’s and my adventures near and far
2. rig my own fishing pole, clean my own fish: I will continue to put the work and focus into everything that I want. I love the doing!!!
3. learn the 50 capitals even though the school lesson was to just learn the 50 states: I still to this day go above and beyond the typical, I dive deep and I search for more always. The path and the rabbit hole never ends daddy. You will see too.
4. not too run off into the forest alone. life and adventure is not to take for granted. Be aware, and always know my surroudings: you’ll be happy to know that you and shone share the same view. He is a magikal man daddy, you never had the chance to meet him, but i know you can feel the love that he has for me. Your little girl that you love so much will always be surrounded by exactly that amount of love, and so much more!! I am well looked after and loved daddy, yes, yes I am.
5. not to get too interested in boys, until that right one could truly look after me and share the life I always dreamed for. I am very happy right now knowing that you understand I found him.

By your living example, I learned not to keep a closed mind about life and others, I know you loved me dad, but it truly hurt, the lack of compassion you chose to withhold from others. This world and life is a lot bigger than I believe you were ever even aware of. The way you lived your life helped me stay focused and give my very best, love is the answer. For that lesson, I will always be grateful. You gave me a lot of freedom as a parent, I will always be grateful for you not pushing or enforcing your beliefs onto me. I can’t tell you how much I will always appreciate this. I made some mistakes, but because of your unconditional love, I was able to find true happiness.

Thank you for understanding my inability to be there at the end. It makes me feel magnificent knowing that my absence did not impact the love that you know we have. I will continue moving forward, living, and growing. Your life will always have a magikal impact. I will forever and always love you with everything that I am.

daddy’s little girl

@gcrush

wow,

I am aware that from this day forward there are going to start being a lot of changes in my life. They have been happening pretty frequently throughout the past 6 years or so, and have been steadily increasing the frequency of occurrences. It continues to happen all around me.

* I am aware of my being, I am not holding on tight, (I have hiccups, and my recoveries are almost instantaneous: lately it’s been super freaky and I am super grateful)

* I am present with my path and my intentions; communication and expression are my tools to make it happen

* I have complete belief in shone and his navigations, as I do in my own

* I love adventures! I’m a cancer armed with a laptop as my “nest” and I am ready!

** if you want to dance you’ve got to move, regardless if @nopantsdance is near or far her love and energy is always inspiring me to connect physically with the rythym! I AM Grateful!!!

this day is filled with universal insights and transformations!

I am currently listening to “medicine hop” an unreleased album by random rab. it’s the energy and love that is guiding my way.

deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath and R E L E A S E

@gcrush

for years I have loved and connected with the musik and magik of random rab. I know you have all heard me talk about him, blip his music, share his music videos, and rab rab rab rab. and now that he is on my mind again, I know right, hard to believe…….but the truth is he is returning to reno, and at this very moment I wish to express to you all how truly happy happy happy I am!

you see life is always going to be an obstacle, it is always going to be challenging, and sometimes it truly can be sad and emotional, no matter how happy a person chooses to express his or her life. there are occurrences that are just out of our control. and that is just fine. what I find, and what always get’s me through these moments, is HAPPY! cause sometimes we need to honor the sad and emotional, and that’s why it is important to get right back to the happy!

what is happy to me.

happy is that feeling, that vibration I get when I am filling my sensories, manifestations, and daily adventures with HAPPY!

for example:

combine a nourishing and magically epic forest adventure with the sounds of random rab! when I watch a video like this I am immediately cast away to an energy, an energy of love, of vitality, of community, and of high vibrations of human ability. a reminder that life does not have to be harsh, that we do not have to be harsh, that we can be kind to another, we can love, and don’t need to make fun of others and try so hard to appear to be cool! Just Be! live, smile, joy, find the juicy of life!

we were not able to attend this year’s symbiosis festival, no worries! however the impact that it has created all around us was just as much a gift as it was to attend!!

(Next year come play with us in the symbiosis, lightning in a bottle, and big bounce forest! and if all goes right shambhala)

every encounter that I have had with random rab has been beyond amazing! when I first met him last year when he first came to reno, I was all silly, nervous, and almost got locked in the knees. if it were not for shone literally taking my arm and guiding me to him, I’m not sure I would have been able to move. Of course once we connected, I was a pile of happy jello! What I will always remember and take from that first meeting, was that he loves to be happy! it seriously took my level of admiration and appreciation of his music and himself as a person to an entirely higher level!

and what draws me to him at this very moment, is that I personally had a challenging week last week. No need to go into further, however, it was challenging, on many more levels than I could have ever anticipated. this morning I woke up, and I just knew where I needed to place my focus. I needed the happy in my life. So it goes without saying that I have been listening and loving random rab.

**I happen to be listening to some brand new musik of his that has not been released. A magikal gift I received from him! and let me tell you, it’s AMAZING! I am hoping that he drops some of it when he comes to Reno! we shall see!

so if you or anybody you know needs to get happy, send them my way oct 9th! I’ll happily be your happiness guide!

@auditorycanvas, @souleye, and @blvdsource are truly an amazing collection of passionate and inspiring artists, all creating their own sound and rocking the magical vibes! seriously you guys, it’s going to be a night full of amazing vibrations! so be ready, and bring your rocking high vibrations to add to the gathering. the more we add to the energy, the more spectacular it becomes!

my heart and complete love go out to champagne and bacon for making this happen!

forever loving you!!!

@gcrush

I saw this picture on tumblr, and these are the honest in the moment thoughts that I had…….

I don’t know, not necessarily. If it is not unconditional hope that we can offer to ourselves and this entire planet, and in turn shine that towards the person in the place to guide us and use that energy to his potential, then how could one man alone try to make a large impact? Are we ALL not part of this situation, every last breathe and vibration?

We’ve already seen the effects of a so called “man for the part” role, and without the support of the planet look where it got all of us……..

I think it’s time more than ever to give more of our love and hope, more than we ever thought possible, standing up to the unknown, and believing….. because somewhere in our lives there has just got to be enough ability to believe in something greater and possible. Regardless of who is the president: energy is not political or religious, it is simply the state of existence we all share.

—–> hence the water molecule experiment by Dr. Emoto

how can we possibly know all of the information, all of the decisions and sacrifices it takes to come in from an angle as this. for anybody, let alone a man who bears the color of a skin that causes an emotional (and not necessarily positive reaction in such a large part of our “american” species: negative and aggressive behavior of any kind, from any direction is not an easy energy to work with. if we truly want to help, to do our best each and everyday, we simply need to offer our heart, our love, and shine our light. if we cannot do this……on a daily basis, then how can we ask or suggest for anybody else to do it.

I believe it lies within each and everyone of us, cause we are the ones voting, we are the ones who have declared ourselves adults, because we are 18 and over. therefore we can understand the world, and make the best possible decisions for the group, because that’s what our parents (adults) did for us when making their decisions with us in their lives. It’s not freedom to do as we want, throw fits and get our way, and use the time to hurt others, it’s freedom to live, to eat, to breathe, and to choose to work and connect with a community, a leader, a nation, to work together for the better of all. Any large group of people living under the same rules and actions are “family” “community” and it all works the same way.

I believe, I believe, I believe, I will continue to believe with every last cellular vibration that is incased in my being, and after that is gone, I will still find a way to believe!

universally yours

@gcrush

I felt like writing tonight. Actually I have felt like writing for a while, but there have been so many fun and magical distractions and adventures going on around here, that I have not set aside anytime to write. So after a magical, and I mean magical day today, and a long and beautiful nap, I feel like putting the gears into writing mode.

—->insert pop in visitors tonight. AWESOME! reliving playa memories from the playa. captain canada, @a_delle, and juice! this adventure is always full of magical surprises. don’t know how I could live it any other way!!!

gwen you the WO-MAN!

it was great sharing camp stories. viva la burning man!

* * * * * * * *

Tonight while @nopantsdance and I were chopping up veggies for dinner, I was very aware how much I appreciate her and all of her love and ability. Community living is the greatest when the people around you share smiles and love and effort and help. I truly believe it’s important to surround yourselves with kind and happy people. Cultural differences aside, pleasant people rock my world!!! I make the effort each and everyday to always smile more, walk lighter, and share as much light as I can, the more practice I get, the longer it sustains and become deeper rooted. I love to love. It got me to thinking…………

I have not spent a lot of my life with a lot of females around, the only other time in my life when I did, was when I was a massage therapist working with tina, @aerialistasia, birgit, and christianne. Of course we spent a lot of our time working on our clients, but we always traded massage and facials, and got to spend a lot of time nurturing each other. IT WAS HEAVEN! the spa world rules the universe! I’m telling you (p.s It’s been awesome reconnecting with all of you on facebook!!!!)

I feel so fortunate. So fortunate indeed. I am surrounded once again by magical goddess love. Incredible, kind, and rocking vibes. The herem of females that I have always dreamed of and have desired to be around. A sincere collection of females that share light, energy, love, tea parties, braid parties, boobies, smudging, nurtering, inspiration, naughty talks, cuddling, petting, brushing, foot porn, rubbing, giggling, sharing, appreciating, understanding, kindness, and connection.

——->insert THAT video of foot porn here! ladies you know who you are

@ladylillian poured me my first flowering tea party

and by the way @capitainsex, hope you know you are one of my goddesses nothing but LOVE for you sexy ass!

I am thankful that I have been reminded once again of what it is like to connect with females. I really think it takes practice, especially for me. Perhaps it’s also been preparation time for my heart and soul for the other female to enter our lives. I have really been getting to see glimpses of what it will be like to add a third energy to our daily and moment to moment life. And I must say, that with just the most amazing friendships around already, I know that our future girlfriend will continue to add nurtering love and kindness to the group. And once that happens, will be able to see what life will be like with 3 in a bed, instead of 2. I must admit, it’s quite creative to prepare a place and life for another person. Even down to the airstream we want, that will fit a king size mattress! oh yes, we are thinking and preparing for every last detail. I love the journey! and this particular one is something that I would not give up for anything

I love the strength of a room filled with more sexy goddess energy than the room of strong testosterone. I love you boys, but I have got to say, that girl power rules! I hope to always have a cuddle couch or goddess palace to share pampering and loving times. The goddess puddles that we have here in the boho lounge are super sweet. So sweet that shone is hardly distracted and can stay so focused on his work on the computer, while we all sit in front of him. We all enjoy great company, great entertainment, and connection.

she is busy sucking her foot right now but she sends her love

And I hope you all know that natasha feels the same, thank you for giving her so much love and making her a part of the group.

my heart goes out to you beauties eternally: you will always have my heart and soul. thank you for your magnificence, adventures, and to our future!

kisses
@gcrush

I recommend listening to this song if you read, I listened to it over and over until I finished. I like to do that with my writing. enjoy

“YOU HAVE FIRM CONVICTIONS-STAND STRONG BEHIND THEM”

that was my fortune in my cookie tonight, and thus:

when I am writing, I am writing from the truths(convictions) that I am experiencing and gaining while on this path of challenge, life, and love. I am compelled to share, while I live free, in the moment each and every moment to express what feels good and what brings calm to my soul. my astrological sign is cancer, and let me tell you, this cancer has dramatically reduced the hardness of her shell over the past 6 years. it has been one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life. thanks to the taurus that is always by my side.

Freedom

this is me being me, always improving to be a better lover and partner for shone, I do not wish to cause him turmoil, burdens, drama, and hurt. I love him so much that it is a painful self reflection if I should catch myself sharing anything less than my highest energy with him. he is the love of my life, to share my love with him I choose to live by a pursuit of freedom. FREEDOM allows me time and thought and to exist in the present moment, lightly structured around defining connections that are uncontrollable (areas of non freedom). by giving my love to shone, each and every last breathe, I am returned by BAZILLIONS of his love and devotion. our bond is a flow of lead and follow, share, and push forward. we receive each others criticism well, because we understand that it comes from a place of respect and compassion, and each break through provides for more opportunities of freedom. our love fuels our ability to work together as business partners 24/7. As lovers and business partners, shone and I are highly motivated to obtain more freedoms in our life. There is no stopping, no giving up, no trying, only doing.

kindness

I understand kindness, I focus my attention to try and learn more kindness each and everyday. the more kindness I discover, the more kindness I share with shone; the more kindness I share with myself; the more kindness I am able to share with others. shone is one of the kindest energies I have ever encountered. it’s the most joyous thing in the world; spending so much time by his side.

*any act of unkindness from anybody around us is transmitted between us, hence the struggle in our ability to be around anything less than kind energies. we love each other too much to put too much of that energy into each other.

love

he surrounds me with love and care. he tucks me in at night, he watches to make sure I make it down the stairs safely, he is patient and will take as much time with kindness as needed, wether it’s to get me in the water, (lake tahoe is pretty cold, and I am a whimp) or sit back and watch as I break through a less than desireable habitual pattern (addicted to emotions). he will go to the store for me at any moments notice, (even though his moments are sometimes hours ) he is still always available to provide me with help. he will hold my hair, he will go to the store and buy my midol and tampons, he knows how much I love coconut water, and herb. he is kind and patient as I mature and connect to the woman inside of me, and my sexuality. his love is the deepest and most unconditional love I have ever received from anyone or myself. he inspires me to let in more love each and everyday. I am aware of so much love right now, and can only imagine what each year is going to bring. I love life, I love adventure, I love exploring, I love you! I really do! there is even a reasonable possibility that I love everybody on this planet and beyond. Which is why I always want the best out of everything, for everyone. The more love we can all feel, the more we raise a level of consciousness in all of our connections. Have you ever seen the water molecule experiment on “What the Bleep do We Know?”. watch it, enjoy it, think about it. Love is very powerful, yes I do believe this to be so. More powerful than any of us could ever know.

loving you! as @souleye always tweets! I love it

@gcrush