*couch talk*

my mind is so peaceful yet so full of inspiration and vision. I started to have these moments on a regular basis when shone and I got together. It’s a beautiful journey, I’m so grateful for every single thought and exploration. I have learned more about myself over the past years than I have learned all of my life. and as some as you know I am turning 34 this month, so I have had plenty of time on this earth so far to spend time with myself. or have I?

the other night while I was bartending, I took notice of my present moment. something I realized that I have not been doing at the bar. Usually I am running around trying to tend to everyone’s needs, anticipating what they need before they need it, because I always love to make sure everybody is having a great time. Though my actions always made it impossible for me to spend time and connect. And at times I realized that I had been allowing the bar to wear me down. I was losing a lot of energy on the bar, and coming home exhausted. Needing more time to recover, and then of course allowing my best friends mary and tuaca to play a whole lot more than I really want them too.

So tuesday night while I was taking note of my present moment, I stopped to see what was going on around me. This is what I saw.

I saw the man I love, the man who fills my heart and vibrations with so much magic standing behind the bar pouring a drink for one of our customers. I saw @nopantsdance flirting and giggling and flashing her boobies behind the bar… ( I am training her after all to be a bartender, and I am here to train her to be the best she can be! ) I saw my work “husband” chris taking dishes back to be washed (because I refuse to use the chemicals that are needed when washing them by hands, yes Nate knows this, because it makes my hands dry and crackly, and this girl is in pictures, and that is just not acceptable, but most importantly I love myself too much than too allow the chemicals to be on my body!)

I saw a room full of amazing artists, @metaphysical1 and @auditorycanvas playing on their new tools, entertaining the crowd, I saw a room full of big smiles and lots of hugs. I had new customers on our nights asking what was this place? ha ha, they couldn’t believe the great energy and fun that was happening on a tuesday night! (yes they will return)

I just stood there, standing still, and just looking around. It was such an amazing and beautiful scene. Everybody working together and sharing great times. Why not, Tuesday night is just as good as any other night. Live in the present!

So then it dawned on me, it hit me so hard I almost started crying. Tears of joy of course. I realized again how much I loved shone. How much I loved that he is always right beside me, no matter where I am at. He’s now bartending and learning the bar so that on my shifts he can come back and help out. Which gives me more time to slow down, and spend quality time with so many of the people that come in to visit. It saves some of my energy so that I don’t need so much recovery time from running all night. He allows me more time to be me. To slow down, breathe, and have a lot of fun. To really take in the surroundings, and truly appreciate every second I am spending at the bar.

Then it really HIT me!!! I’m not sure if anybody was watching, but my knees almost buckled. Buckled from the realization:

Meeting shone and sharing time and love with this man, has given me an opportunity to be myself. To get to know myself, to know what I like, what makes me feel good, what provides for my creative blissful self. Shone’s love and our relationship has given me wings. I’ve had the opportunity to pull away from all of the things that were not making me happy, all of the patterns that were causing malfunctions in my living. Not that I was completely malfunctioned, ( I honestly thought that I was so independent, and that I could do anything alone, because I could always work so hard and never quit on anything, the bigger the challenge, the more I gave! FAIL ) More importantly his love just brought out the love that I feel for myself and for life! It was the missing element, the missing puzzle piece.

I enjoy each and every day that we share. Waking up each day is the best ever! Always ready for whatever magic the universe and our love brings!

and now, every tuesday and wednesday, I have an even bigger smile, and more energy walking in and preparing for the greatest nights ever! It’s a much better energy for me to share with my friends: all of the amazing people that share their love and time on tues and wed nights rocking away at the amendment21. I am forever grateful!

kisses
@gcrush

I think it’s so important for every person to know who they are, to be loved, to love, and to be surrounded by a community of love!

I’ve been getting high daily for almost 2 years now, and I it was fun, but I like to change it up! I am feeling more energy return. This is exactly what I was after. It went much further than just breaking my daily addiction to coffee. I am Elated for my new freedoms I am regaining.

Dearest friends, no worries, you can smoke and drink all you want. Even around me, it’s not tempting, and I would never wish for anybody to change their ways just because I am. I love you and would miss you dearly if I did not see you around!

all my love

gcrush